The East Central Illinois Criminal Law & DUI Weblog

I like Kentucky.  It is a beautiful state.  I also like a good joke, but I will be cautious before I tell a joke in Kentucky –  at least one prosecutor there has no sense of humor.  Recently, a Kentucky politician, Otis Hensley, landed an all-inclusive stay in a county jail for jesting about trading a hog for a couple of young girls.  According to the AP:

The ordeal began last week when Hensley’s wife sent him to a local grocery store to buy ground beef. While there, Hensley encountered a woman with her two nieces, ages 11 and 13. “I offered to trade her a fattening hog for those girls,” Hensley said. “I meant it as a joke. I’ve said it a million times. Most people get a kick out of it.”

The woman didn’t laugh. Instead, the family obtained a warrant for Hensley’s arrest from the local prosecutor, claiming the comment was intended to entice the children into illegal sexual activity.

[ . . .]

Appalachian scholar Loyal Jones said the jest Hensley made has been around for generations and actually is intended as a compliment.

The State eventually caught the punchline and dismissed the charges.

I don’t want to see this story repeated in Illinois, so I have listed some things I have heard people say about young children.  Explanations follow each quip.  If any prosecutors out there need additional explanation, they should feel free to contact me.

- She’s so adorable . . . I could take her home with me. The person doesn’t actually want to take the child home.  The person has bills to pay and kids of her own to feed and take care of.   All the person is doing is paying a compliment about the child to the child’s parents.  The person is not communicating an intent to kidnap the child.

- She’s so cute . . . I could just eat her up. The person is not a cannibal.  The person has no intention of actually eating the child.  Again, the person is paying a compliment about the child to the child’s parents.

- That boy is spoiled rotten.  The child is not decomposing.  The person is merely commenting that the child has received so much attention that it has had a negative impact on his personality.  There is no need to start a child-abuse investigation.

This year, Coles County will elect a state’s attorney. There are three candidates for the job and all three have been the target of public ridicule. To get a taste of some of the abuse being given, check out the comments to this letter to the editor of Charleston and Mattoon’s newspaper. I am sure that there are many attorneys out there who would like to be the state’s attorney but are not willing to run for the position. This is because they have no interest in a long election campaign saturated in invective. My hat is off to the three gentlemen running for state’s attorney — I admire their thick skins.

Should a family squabble turn into a criminal prosecution? Heavens no (in most cases). Unfortunately, over in Connecticut, Norm Pattis is defending a client in such a situation.

When I was a prosecutor, the two types of cases I declined to file the most were Disorderly Conduct and Harassment by Telephone. All too often, the facts in these police reports were just stupid . . . and I wasn’t wasting my time and State resources on stupid facts.

An example of a police report that I would have refused to prosecute might have contained facts like the following. Let’s suppose that a boyfriend and girlfriend are mad at each other and a verbal argument ensues. The two yell profanities at each other, but the boyfriend is meaner and louder. As he is leaving the girlfriend’s property, he sees the plastic trash bin by the road and gives it a good sturdy kick resulting in the bin falling over and trash spilling out. And just for good measure, he gives the girlfriend a one-finger salute. The neighbors observe all of this. The girlfriend calls the police and tells them she was alarmed and disturbed by the boyfriend’s actions. The police locate the boyfriend and arrest him because he acted in such an unreasonable manner as to alarm and disturb the girlfriend and provoke a breach of the peace.

State criminal charges are not appropriate in cases like the above and the State does not need to become the third wheel in a feud by lovers.

Not all prosecutors see things like I did when I was a prosecutor. I hope Norm Pattis gets a not-guilty verdict within an hour of the jury going out to deliberate.

UPDATE: Crime & Federalism discusses the Pattis post and makes some good points.

UPDATE 2: A good result.